a poem

I am a ghost. I am a shadow. I am a whisper in a crowded conference room.

I am spoken of often. But spoken with rarely.

I have an age and a gender. But I have no name.

Who am I?

I am the target.

I am a successful businesswoman who is spoken to like a 50’s housewife.

I am a sensitive man who is expected to act like a perverted alcoholic.

I was born in 1987, and yet I am supposed to understand references to 70’s sitcoms.

I have never used a computer, but I am supposed to know what rotflol means.

I am a 13 year-old girl who loves the Rolling Stones.

I am a middle-aged mom who can recognize Usher and Ryan Sheckler.

I am a teenager who shuns iPods and satellite radio and instead reaches for FM.

I am a wealthy businessman who gets excited about saving a dollar fifty.

I am a grandfather who is treated like a small child.

I’m an 8 year-old girl who is told I must worry about how hot I look.

I never leave the city, but apparently I’m into camping, hiking and mountain biking.

I am a beautiful, intelligent woman who is either too fat or too thin.

I am a unique individual who is told to join the crowd.

I am a conformist who is told I must be different.

I am screamed at from every medium, in every country on Earth.

I am the reason all advertising exists.

Everybody talks to me.

But no one listens.

Take a Break

I was all set to write an amazing essay for today’s post. It was going to be a great piece that explored the reality of being a creative member of the modern advertising community. It would have been filled with my usual humor and sarcasm, but it would have also been a thoughtful examination of how creative individuals struggle to combine art and business into the thing we call advertising.

But then I saw this headline on dig:
Monkeys Can Control Robot Arms Using Only Their Thoughts.

Let me repeat:
MONKEYS Can Control ROBOT ARMS Using Only Their THOUGHTS!

So if you’re looking for a break from the routine of agency life, just click here. Or here. Or here. And you will see video of a monkey controlling a robot arm with his thoughts.

Life is good.

They say it's your birthday

It seemed like there were a disproportionate number of birthdays at the agency last month. And with birthdays, come birthday cards.

For those of you who don’t live in an office, this is how it works. Someone will inform you that there is a card at Ted’s desk that you need to sign. So you stroll over to Ted’s desk, and he hands you a card and a pen. Then the trouble begins. As a copywriter, everyone expects you to come up with some incredibly clever message.

There are three problems with this. First, you probably don’t know the birthday person very well. Two, this card is for public consumption, so no penis jokes. And three, high up on the list of things copywriters hate is coming up with clever ideas on the spot.

Usually I will just jot down some generic message, And Ted will give me a look that says, “Wow, you’d think a professional writer could come up with something better than, ‘Have a great day!’”

So to make birthdays easier for all of us, I am making up some new rules about cards.

1) Copywriters get at least a day to come up with their greeting.
2) Copywriters will receive a brief bio of the birthday person, so that we can construct a personalized message.
3) Art directors have to design their own cards. (If we have to write, they have to design.)
4) On my birthday, skip the card.

Extra Credit: Fill up the comments section with witty things to write in a birthday card. Then when one of us needs to sign a card, we can refer to this post.

Your Client's Ad Dollars at Work

Hey Tom, I think there's a typo in the legal.

5 things I won't think about for 3 days

1) Clients

2) Status meetings (except for the donuts)

3) Rush hour traffic and the guy in front of me who doesn't move forward when he can, because he's too busy talking on his cell phone. So I just sit there starring at his stupid "My child is a total dork" bumper sticker and thinking up excuses about why I'm late again.

4) The guy in the next cube who never takes a sick day and enjoys projectile sneezing.

5) My blog

MY Friday in Brands

See the original brand timeline at dearjanesample.

Strategy as Headline Vol. 1