Thursday, October 9, 2008

sample requests

The economy is shit. The market is shit. And that means just one thing. The employers hold all the cards. Want to tell your boss to fuck off? Well get ready for unemployment. Hiring freezes are the norm these days. Every agency is on hold, waiting to see what’s going to happen.

In the meantime, the petty tyrant in the corner office is now a real tyrant. He/she can get away with murder. I mean what are you gonna do, quit? So hold on tight and get ready for some really insane requests:

“Would you mind taking a pay cut until the market goes over 10000?”

“We need some people to come in this weekend and do some mounting. Are your kids available?”

“Could you return your holiday bonus?”

“The GM needs some people to mow his lawn.”

“Item 1: Raise freeze. Item 2: Senior staff is going on a corporate retreat.”

“You’re not getting an expense check this week, because you misspelled the name of the restaurant.”

“Say you love Sarah Palin. SAY IT!”

“Forget all that first-name bullshit. From now on, call me Sir.”

“We’ve changed our Paid Time-Off system. We’re sure you’ll find it to your liking. Hee hee hee.”

BYOD Bring your own donuts

“Office hours are now 8am to 11pm.”

The following programs will be terminated: Pizza Parties, Human Resources, Health Insurance.”

“From now on all performance reviews will be done in the nude.”

“Mandatory logo tattooing will begin on Monday.”

“If you don’t vote for McCain, we may have to lay you off.”

1 comment:

Joker said...

So scary it's true. But then again, quitting now shows madness, balls, a bit of both or just how much a place really sucks.