Friday, August 29, 2008

3-Day weekend

Leave early.

Do not think about work.

Drink heavily.

Fresh Beef on Tuesday.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

How to get a job in advertising

Chapter 3-The website

Everyone has a site today. Mothers, grandmothers, quilting bees, hate groups. And for a person looking to get a job in advertising, it is a goddamn necessity. Just do the math. If you have one portfolio, you can send it to one agency. If you have 20 portfolios, you can send them to 20 agencies. But if you have a website, every agency in the world can look at your stuff. You’ll be getting job offers from North Korea!

But before you start writing ads for the great leader, you have to actually put your site together. Logically there are two ways to do this:

1. Do it yourself
2. Have someone do it for you.

There is a third option. Try to do it yourself, but ask a web expert so many questions that all you are essentially doing is pushing keys. I highly recommend this method.

Before you do anything, you will need a domain name. Unfortunately all the good names are taken, so you can either go with a longwinded name like Or you can construct a complicated combination of letters, numbers and punctuation marks that kind of spell something (e.g.

Now all you have to do is ask your web expert how to construct a site, add copy, upload images and video, link to your email and add a pdf of your resume.

Done? Good. Now just sit back and wait for the offers to come in.

Q: Should I tell potential employers that I built the site myself?
A: Of course.
Q: But what if they hire me as a web designer?
A: No problem. The expert who helped you with your personal site can now help you with your job assignments.
Q: Today’s post isn’t very good.
A: That’s not a question!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

How to get a job in advertising

Chapter 2-The Portfolio

(Note: This is for creatives only. Account people can read Fortune or watch Mad Money.)

All new creatives need a spec portfolio. It’s your tool to show a potential employer just how creative you can be when you have no client, no boundaries and no budgetary or legal restrictions. Now first you’ll need a portfolio case…

Oh, I know. “Why do I need a case, Old Man? I don’t live in your meat universe. I’m 100% digital and all my shit’s going up on my website!”

Good point (asshat). But the people who will be looking at your work are old, very old. The kind of people who don’t use email because it’s too difficult to learn. The kind of people who hear the words, “video game” and instantly think of Pac-Man. The kind of people…you get the point. They want to hold your work in their wrinkled, liver-spotted hands. So you will need a physical portfolio.

So as I was saying, the best place to pick up a portfolio case is at your local art supply store. They will have an impressive selection and even more impressive prices. Seriously, $75 for a plastic notebook with clear sleeves. Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, sure, the emo girl working the register has impressive tits, but come on!

Now that you have your super-expensive case, it’s time to put some work in it. Everyone’s portfolio is different, but all junior books must include the following:

• An ad for an adult bookstore.

• An ad that looks exactly like one that appeared in this month’s Archive.

• An ad for a local business that features a huge celebrity (Shia LaBeouf loves Marge’s Muffins!)

• Lots of jokes about shitting your pants.

• An ad featuring pictures of sperm.

• A shaky TV spot you and you friends shot while you were completely baked on Northern Lights.

Okay, now print up your ads, stick them in the sleeves and you have your very first portfolio!

Now all you need is a website.

“Wait, you said we needed a portfolio!”

Yeah, well, you need a website too.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

How to get a job in advertising

A sarcastic and extremely unhelpful guide to getting your first job in the exciting world of big-time advertising. Think you have what it takes? Then read on.

Chapter 1-The Resume

Yes, you need one. The people in charge still expect a one-page summary of your life, filled with typos, exaggerations and outright lies.

Yours obviously (It helps if your last name is the same as the general manager’s)

Account people should put something boring like, “An entry level position in the account services department of a major advertising agency.” Creatives should write something bizarre and pretentious like, “Pilot a spaceship to the outer reaches of the Delta Quadrant.”

If you went to a school that no one has ever heard of, replace it with a more recognizable institution. Moon Park Community College=Harvard Business School

As an entry-level person, you will not have much applicable experience. That’s okay. What you want to avoid are those dreaded employment gaps. No agency wants to hire someone, print up a box of business cards, enter their birthday in the agency database, and then see them quit so that they can backpack through India. So fill in those gaps with impressive sounding experience. If you spent a year smoking pot and watching Friends, say you were doing research for a study on how mass media affects the youth market.

Did your 4th grade teacher ever give you a gold start? Put it in.

As an entry-level person, this will be a large part of your resume. The point is to make you sound like an interesting person. If you are looking for an account position, make it seem like you have been spending your whole life preparing to be in middle-management. List activities like golf, yachting and big-game hunting. If you’re going for a creative position, list a bunch of strange hobbies like bullfighting, midget tossing or cross-dressing. You MUST say that you play guitar!

Do not leave this out. The person who receives your resume may want to come for a visit. You might want to get a dog.

Tomorrow! The portfolio.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The end

Now that the Beijing Olympics are over, I want to say a few thanks yous:

Thank you Beijing for the wonderful and slightly terrifying open ceremonies.

Thank you NBC for letting us know that Heroes is back, again and again and again.

Thank you Visa for your inspiring commercials staring Morgan Freeman. American may not be ready for an African-American Presidents. But when it comes to Voice-Over…

Thank you Lenovo commercials for reminding us that just because an ad is weird doesn’t mean that it will sell.

Thank you Kinesio athletic tape. You were a mystery that turned into product placement.

Thank you gymnastics for showing us that it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, as long as your birth certificate is in order.

And finally:

Thank you Kerri Walsh for showing us the true Olympic spirit and the finest butt in all of Beijing.

Friday, August 22, 2008

10 cool things to say Friday at 5

“Take it sleazy.”

“One more week in hell.”

“Fuck it. We’ll finish next week.”

“Think the client is gonna spend the weekend in their mansion or on their yacht?”

“60 hours with no fucking changes!”

“See you Monday, dickweeds.”

“Hey, I made it through another week without snapping!”

“I started drinking at lunch.”

“I’ll be unreachable.”

“This weekend, I’m totally gonna finish my portfolio.”

And 1 very uncool thing

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Thursday, August 21, 2008

You're old

The Beloit College's annual Mindset List is out!

For those of you not familiar with this list, it is a snapshot of how this year’s college freshmen (The class of 2012) view the world. It is a list filled with items like this:

7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.

19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.

This list is supposed to give us in the media a better understanding of youth culture. What it really does is make everyone feel freaking old. It tells you that everything you thought was current is old-school and everything you thought was retro is ancient fucking history.

It also believes that the new freshmen are a bunch of illiterate morons. It assumes that they know nothing about the world the existed before they were born. Come on! They’re college students! I assume a few of them might have read a book or watched an old movie. (I have never seen a piece of fly paper in my life, but I know what it is thanks to its use as a gag in about a hundred Little Rascals’ films.)

But this year’s list has a very curious item, and it’s right at the top:

1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.

Uh, no he couldn’t. He’s a fictional character. I don’t care how young you are, you’re not going to be spending the next semester flying around on a broom chasing snitches and looking out for Voldemort.

So read the list and email it to your friends. But keep in mind that a large group of people is a messy, gooey blob that cannot be easily summed up in a list of 60 items.

On the other hand, you may want to rethink that ad making fun of Gorbechov’s birthmark.

The complete list is here.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Memo Mednesday

From: CosmoDemonic HR Department

To: Office

Re: Cost-Cutting

The financial outlook for upcoming quarters is not very good, so in the next few weeks we will be initiating a number of cost-cutting methods to help keep CosmoDemonic profitable. Some will affect all of you, and some will affect some of you.

• We have revised our contract with Adobe so that only the most senior art directors will have access to the latest software. Lesser employees are encouraged to use a BIT of ingenuity TO pREveNT this from affecting productivity. (wink, wink)

• The refrigerator in the front kitchen will be turned off at night. If you have any food that needs to remain chilled, please transfer it to the brown fridge in the basement. (Note-The General Manager’s fridge is for his personal use only. Do not touch.)

• Starting next month, we will have a new health insurance program. Our new company will provide similar benefits at a reduced cost. If you have any questions, you may call their customer service hotline at 001-987-028348-9992782-9922-2 (Fluency in Serbo-Croatian will be helpful.)

• We can no longer afford a huge collection of fonts. From now on, you will limit yourself to the following: Futura, Helvetica, Times New Roman and Comic Sans. (Our client’s favorites!)

• To save on stock photography, we have placed a large collection of previously purchased photos on the server. With a little creativity, these can work for any ad. Who says you can’t have a picture of a kitten in an ad for condoms? Let’s think outside the box, people! (And feel free to bring in photos from home. Just think, you could make Aunt Mavis a star!)

• All sponsorship and charitable programs are temporarily on hold. It’s time the orphans learned that our world is an unpredictable and terrifying place.

• There is now a freeze on all raises. If you just had your review last week, congratulations. If your review is next week, bummer.

• Obviously some people will have to be laid-off. If you have received this email, your job is secure for the present. If you did not receive this email, you are being let go. Please spread the word.

• You are not alone. In a gesture of solidarity, our General Manager has traded in his company BMW M5 for a 750Li. This extreme sacrifice is a major blow to his social standing. If you survive the upcoming purges, please stop by his office to say, “Thank you.”

• Help is on the way. For the next weak and a half, the VPs will be attending a seminar on the Island of Molokai. They will be learning new methods of cutting costs and improving company morale. (Note-Since we will be short staffed during this time, some employees may need to work late and on the weekends.)

Remember, we are all in this together!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Olympics so far

Coca-cola is F-ing Everywhere.
We can’t agree on religion, politics or language. But when it comes to soft-drinks, we are one!

Less is More.
Women’s Beach Volleyball-Greatest sport ever!

Lenovo Commercials
“I’m sorry” Trolls, an army of sumo wrestlers, and a castaway. But the big question is, “What the fuck is Lenovo?”

NBC Promos
Did you hear that Heroes is coming back? That’s right, Heroes is back. And it’s good again! People who say the season premier said it’s good again. Did we mention that Heroes is coming back?

Weird Sports
Handball-“Hey, let’s combine soccer and basketball and call it a sport!”
Trampoline-What’s next? Jungle Gym?
Beach Volleyball-Just wanted to mention it again.

He’s a god! A phenom! He is love!

Interviewing Athletes Seconds After the Event

American-centric Coverage
(For US viewers only)
We get the entire backstory about an American athlete who comes in 8th. And all we learn about the winner is their lane number.

That Weird Colored Tape
Why do I have a feeling that this stuff will be all over LA in a week?

Bob Costas
He seems to be developing Chick Hern hair

Monday, August 18, 2008

One should always endeavor to avoid the more complex solution and strive for the ideas that posses a high level of simplicity. (i.e. Keep it simple)

The next time you come up with a concept that cannot be explained in less than one sentence, read this:

"There is a master key to success…with which no man can fail. Its name is Simplicity. Simplicity, I mean, in the sense of reducing to the simplest possible terms every problem that besets us. That almost any man can succeed, if only he will simplify everything in his life to the nth degree, has been my working theory for 40 years. As a very young man, I stumbled across this great fundamental truth; that anything which is complicated is wrong. Simplicity rules everything worthwhile…When ever I have met a business proposition, which after taking though, I could not reduce to simplicity, I have left it alone."

-Hubert Eaton

What was Hubert Eaton’s simple idea? In 1917, he acquired a creepy old cemetery in a mortgage foreclosure deal. While surveying the site, he suddenly had a vision. He would create a cemetery that was about hope instead of defeat. It would be a beautiful place that families would enjoy visiting. The result was Forrest Lawn, California, one of the most famous (and successful) cemeteries in the world.

Friday, August 15, 2008

The 5 Mysteries

Where do clients come from?
I mean seriously, who are these people? They seem to have been born with no skills. They know nothing about marketing. They know nothing about the industry they work in. They have NO people skills. And yet, they have managed to climb the corporate ladder and wedge themselves into a position of power.

Why are Big Dumb Agency Creative Directors so cocky?
Everyone from the guys in the mailroom to the account sup knows that the work is crap. So why does the CD walk around like he’s some sort of Advertising God? He spouts wisdom he learned at Art Center. He uses phrases like edgy and outside-the-box. He kills idea after idea, because they’re not “cool” enough. And in the end, the final product is another piece of corporate shit.

What happened to my concept?
Last night we all agreed that my concept was in the presentation. We all left the office at the same time. Now at 8am, we’re sitting in the client’s reception area, and I find out that my idea has been killed or significantly changed. When the fuck did that happen? Are people having secret meetings at 3 in the morning?

Who is that guy?
He shows up at 11 and always leaves by 4. He wears sunglasses in the office and drives a brand new BMW. He has lots of meetings with the uppers behind closed doors. But he never seems to do any actual work. Who is that guy?

Who’s the mole?
The competition sees your layouts before the creative director does. When you advertise a sale price of $47.99, the competition offers $46.99. If you are “sharing” the business with another agency, they seem to have an almost supernatural knowledge about your ideas. Who is leaking all your agency’s secrets to the outside world? And is there money involved? And can I have some?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

What type of agency do you work at?

The Hot Shop

If you are a creative, congratulations. You have reached the Promised Land. Here great ideas are actually rewarded. Your agency’s out-of-the-box reputation means that your client list is filled with companies that never question your creative decisions. Budgets? Nah. Deadlines? Ha! All the normal barriers to good work have been eliminated.

The hours are long and the pay sucks, but who cares? After a few years you’ll have won so many awards that you can get a cushy job at a BDA back east. Then you can sit on your ass until retirement.

For account people, the scene is not so rosy. The usual pecking order has been turned on its head. Here, you are the second-class citizen, and the lunatics are definitely in charge.

Typical Hot Shop Names:
(Basically anything that doesn’t sound like an ad agency)
Exterior Design
Man on the Moon
Aunt Grady’s Old Fashioned Jam Shoppe

Typical Clients:
Automobile Company
Fast Food

Things you might hear in the hallway:
“And the Rolling Stones are doing the music.”
“Hey, do you have that copy of Archive with all my ads in it? No the other one.”
“Lee says we should do something like the Energizer Bunny.”

Sushi (Duh.)

Corporate Philosophy:
If it ain’t broke, break it!

Dress Code:
Volcom! Volcom! Volcom! And sandals.

Career Strategy:
Win awards. Abuse AEs. Go to Cannes.

You just turned 30!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

You are not a rebel

This may come as a shock to some of the creatives out there, but no one in advertising is a rebel.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. “But I’m an artist! I’m a writer! I come up with out-of-the-box-ideas! I wear shorts to work! I play drums in a punk band! I shaved my head! There’s a poster of Che on my cubical wall! I smoke pot every morning! I ride a motorcycle! I surf/skateboard!”

Those things are great, but they don’t make you a rebel. If you work in advertising, you are a part of the capitalist world. You’re a big part. It’s your job to make people buy things. Things they might not need. Things that might be dangerous. Things that might be turning the world into overheated garbage dump.

Now that doesn’t mean that what we do is evil. The best of us work hard to make our advertising interesting and artistic. And most of us have a list of things we would never do. (Sell cigarettes to the under 12? Uh, fuck no.) But to suggest that we are anti-establishment, while pulling in a paycheck, is just nonsense.

Now if anyone out there is thinking about becoming true rebel, more power to you. But I would I like to remind you that that is a lonely and dangerous path. And it doesn’t start with a new shirt or a new band or a new car.

It starts with a letter of resignation.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Beijing Blues

I am getting sick and tried of all these “exposés” about the Beijing Olympics. The day after the Opening Ceremonies, the internet was ablaze with reports that, OMG! some of the fireworks were digitally added. Then we got to see photos of the Blue Screen of Death making a cameo appearance on the Bird’s Nest’s giant projection screen. Now I’m reading reports that the cute, little nine-year-old girl who sang the National Anthem was actually lip-syncing!

Hey guess what people, you’re watching a television show! It has been shot and edited and tweaked to make the Olympics look like the most unbefuckingleaveable spectacle on Earth. Sorry if the broadcast was not “real.”

I though it was pretty cool myself. Not even the shots of Bush looking at his watch could ruin the show.

Hey, if you’re looking for reality on television, you can always tune into Big Brother or Chris Angel’s Magical Bullshit Hour.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Vista looks bad

It’s seems that even the mainstream ad blogs are spitting on the new Vista campaign.

Last week I pointed out how lame the Mojave hidden-camera, switcheroo tactic was. And now, Advertising Age has an article saying the same thing. (And we both noticed the similarity to the Folgers Coffee Commercials.)

It just goes to show you that even with a $300 million budget, you can still end up with of crap.

Read the article here.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Fiscal Friday

As we all know, clients are constantly looking for ways to save money. So to give them a helping hand, here is a list of 11 things that are a total waste of money. Happy savings!

1. E-mail blasts

2. Banner ads

3. Focus groups

4. Mailers

5. Radio ads targeting teenagers

6. Print ads with more than 5 messages

7. 3 second tags with 15 lines of copy

8. Coolhunters

9. TV spots during season openers or finales.

10. Outdoor with more than 10 words

11. Ads trying to get Mac users to give Windows a try.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Clothes make the madman

Oh shit, I am going to be late! Okay what am I going to wear today?

It’s hot, I could wear shorts. Fuck no! Remember what your first creative director told you, “Shorts send the wrong message.” Wear shorts and flip-flops to the office and the CEO will think you’re an intern. The only way you can get away with shorts is if you’re good, really good.

Kakis and a dress shirt? Maybe. Untucked or tucked? Well if I tuck, I’ll look like a Xerox salesman. But if I go untucked, I’ll look like an AE.

I know, jeans and a black golf shirt. Perfect! Wait a minute. Didn’t the account sup say something about the client visiting today? Fuck, I can’t remember. Well I can’t risk it. A golf shirt doesn’t say creative and it doesn’t say business. It says I’m a moron who hasn’t figured out how to dress like a grown-up yet.

Hey what about a suit? Shit, I’ve never worn a suit to the office before. Maybe it would be a good idea. The CEO might see me and think I look professional. “Who’s that sharp looking copywriter over there? I like to see a creative dressed up every now and then. Maybe I’ll take him with me on my next client presentation.” Or he might think, “Looks like our copywriter has an interview today. I’d better pump up his salary.” Right, that’s gonna happen. If I wear my suit to work, my boss will just think that another one of my relatives died.

Maybe I could put together an outfit. Something rally cool, really creative. Let’s see, black jeans, ironic t-shirt, sport coat, and….cowboy boots. Oh yeah, that’s it. Now I look like the last douchebag at the bar at closing time.

Shit! Now I’m really going to be late. What am I going to wear? Jeans, shorts, pants, t-shirt, slip-ons, short-sleeves, long-sleeves leather jacket, sweater, Tommy Bahamas, baseball hat…

He was late.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

It is NOT Hammer Time.

Today I’m going to talk about ten years that shaped the word. Ten years that gave us parachute pants and hair mousse, nu-wave music and Anthony Michael Hall. Yes, today we are going to take look at the decade that will not fucking die. The 1980s.

The 80s seem to be everywhere these days. JC Penny’s “tribute” to The Breakfast Club is just the latest in a series of marketing campaign that seem to require extensive knowledge of 80’s trivia.

Now before I go any further, I would like to point out that I was alive during the 80s. I lusted after Molly Ringwald. I Wang Chunged. But I have let go. The past is the past, and I am comfortable with the fact that the 80s are over. But I am clearly in the minority. Every day I see 1980’s fashion, music, trends, style, fonts, movies, celebrities and TV shows used as shortcut to cool.

But cool to who?

The Penny’s spot is targeted to teenagers. So why would you reference a movie that came out 23 YEARS AGO! No one in your target demo was even ALIVE back then! (Here’s a little test marketing. Go up to a teenager and say, “Booga, booga, booga, oo, ha, ha, ha!” I’ll bet that close to 99% will not get the reference and will quickly run away.)

There is an answer to why this decade is still us, and you’ll probably find it right down the hall. Take a good look at your creative director. How old is s/he? Mid-forties? Fifty? So back in the era of acid wash, your CD was at the peak of their creativity. They were plugged-in to pop culture. They were experimenting with new ideas and new design.

Then it all came crashing down. They got older and richer, and suddenly, they didn’t want to play anymore. The new trends looked scary and confusing. And so they locked down. Collectively, they decided that culture had peaked in the 80s. Music would never sound so cool. Clothes would never look so hot. Movies would never be so…radical.

And so today, when a CD is asked to come up with an idea, frequently it will have some connection to the 80s. “You know what’s hot? Leg warmers!” “Make it look like that scene in Ferris Bueller.” “Is Boy George still alive?” And the headline will say, ’Read My Lips. All New Faxes!’”

Bogus. Totally bogus.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Welcome to the big time

Congratulations creative, CosmoDemonic has promoted you to Creative Director! Now that you’re a CD, you’ll never have to spend another minute in that lonely cube. Say goodbye to the Western Bacon at Carl’s and say hello to $150 lunches.

Now before you trade in your ripped jeans for a pair of kakis, you have an important decision to make. What kind of CD are you going to be?

Are you the demanding type? Never satisfied with anything and yet always suspecting that perfection lies just around the corner? Then you may want to be:

The Asshole

You are surrounded by a cloud of misery. People whimper when you scream their names. And you scream a lot.

You always kill the first round of work. And then you blame your team for screwing up. If they deviated from the brief, you yell at them for not listening. If they followed your instructions to the letter, you tell them that they are mindless sheep.

You demand long hours and countless versions. But hey, that’s what it takes to work for a genius like you.

The Outcome: The horrible working conditions mean high turnover and massive disloyalty. Anyone who is good will leave as soon as they can. The result is a constantly changing team of mediocre juniors and terrible midlevels.

End Result: Shitty Creative

Are you a true artists? Do the muses speak to you in hushed whispers? Or do they scream at you all night long? If you believe in ever conspiracy theory, you might want to be:

The Psycho

Nobody knows what you want, especially you. When a job comes around you send your team on a twisted journey down a dark path. Your “instructions” are a collection of random phrases and references to old 1970’s TV shows. Creative briefs? Those are for suits.

When your staff brings you work, you dismiss it with a series of strange, contradictory statements. This goes on for weeks as you explore the elusive nature of the project.

How do you treat your staff? One day you’re their best friend. The next day you’re a psychotic monster.

The Outcome: Riding out a boss’s mood swings can be fun, but after while it gets tiring. And despite the emotional rollercoaster, the lack of any real direction means that the work tends to end up strangely bland.

End Result: Shitty Creative

What is your goal in advertising? Make a lot of money? Do some great creative? Or is it your burning desire to never, ever get laid-off? If that sounds like you, then you may be:

The Mouse

You finally made it to the Creative Director’s office. And now, you will do anything to make sure you never leave it.

You will work hard to make sure you never get blamed for anything. Remember, if you don’t do anything, you can’t do anything wrong. There is no boat you will not not rock. If the client wants blue, blue it is. If they want 20 new headlines by noon, you deliver.

You feel constantly threatened by your staff. Especially the ones who keep coming up with “ideas.” But luckily, those people tent to leave rather quickly.

The Outcome: You win! If they can’t blame you for something, they have no reason to fire you. If your agency loses an account, you are the first to accept a voluntary pay-cut. The only way you’re leaving is inside a coroner’s bag.

End Result: Shitty Creative

Monday, August 4, 2008

Not big in Japan

TechCrunch has an interesting article on the failure of American social networks (MySpace and Facebook) in Japan. According to the post, a lack of understanding about the Japanese market has kept these American imports from squashing the local brands.

Keep in mind that these same social networks are supposed to be the future of advertising. As I write this, consultants all over the world are preaching the religion of social network marketing to high-powered ad execs and clients. And yet, this “future” is being sold to the rest of the world with the same understanding as the guys who thought it would be a good idea to sell Chevy Novas in South America.

The era when we could take an American product and ram it down the rest of the world’s throat is over. For a marketing trend to succeed today, it has to be global. Not run it through the translator and stick an Asian girl in the background global. Truly global.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Friday Lists

5 things you don’t want to hear on Friday:

We’ll have the brief Monday, but think about it over the weekend.

The new head of marketing starts next week.

Human resources wants to see you Monday morning.

The Creative Director missed his flight. He’ll be coming back tomorrow.

Enjoy yourself, ‘cause next week is going to suck.

3 Vista strategies even more insulting than the one they’re using:

Everyone in the world is wrong about Vista. Except us.

Every time you insult Vista, the terrorists win.

I’m a PC, you’re a fucking idiot.

3 reasons why the Apple 1984 commercial is bad advertising:

They only ran it once.

What’s with the track suit?

Do geeks even watch the Superbowl?

5 warning signs:

Key card stops working.

“You didn’t get he email? I guess I forgot to put you on the list”

“They would never fire you.”

“Can you show Steve where you keep all your files?”

Email account is canceled.