Thursday, June 26, 2008

Forced Fun For Everyone!

From: Management

To: All Employees of CosmoDemonic Advertising

Re: The Summer Party!

Yes, it’s that time again. The annual CosDem Summer party is happening this Friday, June 27. Below are just a few hints to make you sure you have a fun (and safe) time at the fiesta.

1. The party is being held at a very exclusive beach club. Please do not talk to or make eye contact with any regular members. They are not used to dealing with people like you, and they may find it frightening. Remember the scene in Caddyshack where the caddies took over the pool?

2. Each employee will receive two (2) drink coupons good for a beer, wine or cocktail. If you require more alcohol, you may get additional tickets from employees who are recovering alcoholics or Mormon. (See enclosed list)

3. Attire. We understand that this is a “beach” party but do try to keep your private parts private. And no flip-flops!

4. If you plan on drinking, please make sure the most junior member of your staff stays sober so that he/she can drive you all home.

5. Be sure to thank our general manager for throwing such a killer party. Note: The dark glasses he wears are for medical reasons only. They are not there so that he can check out your boobs.

6. Beach+Booze+Chicken Skewers=SEX! If you must have sex with one of your coworkers, please make sure they are in your department and at your level. Love between Junior Copywriters and Account Supervisors may work in the movies, but not in real life.

7. On the day of the party, the office will be closing at noon. However, if you still have work to do, you must stay at the office and finish it. We understand that your dedication will force you to miss out on those chummy networking moments that can lead to promotion, but we will try to save you some chicken skewers.


Joker said...

#6.... so painfully true and luckily, through vicarious observation I've learned never to fuck anyone from the office and even less to consider the junior senior tandem tango. It's just wrong... unless it's a personal fantasy and something you'll use to get your dick hard when you're 60.

adhack said...

I once knew an executive who hooked up with a VERY junior employee at the holiday party. Exactly 2 weeks later she sent out an agency-wide email at 5pm. "I just want everyone to know it's been a joy to work here..."

dearjanesample said...

Hilarious! and so so so true.