Monday, July 21, 2008

Commuting Questions

1) How do Netflix ads make it through every popup blocker?

2) Who is actually replying to spam?

3) Is it a good idea to make ant poison with a Mountain Fresh Scent?

4) What happened to the West Nile Virus epidemic?

5) Does the IT department have a list of every site I’ve ever visited?

6) Is the cloud coming out of the van in front of me exhaust or anthrax?

7) What if all the conspiracy theories are true?

8) Why does Diet Coke redesign its cans every few years?

9) Is chipotle a flavor, a spice or a cooking method?

10) Does anyone else remember that Budweiser’s “Real Men of Genius” used to be “Real American Heroes?”

11) Is anyone else creeped out by all those Heath Ledger posters?

12) Does buying an iPhone make me a cool individual or just one of the herd?

13) If my boss is such an idiot, how did she become my boss?

14) Are they going to close my Starbucks?

15) Do I got milk?

16) Does advertising work?

4 comments:

the girl Riot™ said...

1) because they're "pop unders"! har har har. oh no. (really though--bastards.)
2) people who believe it's not spam.
3) only if you keep your cat away from it. they may think it helps with digestion. ...they may be right.
4) it's still around. breakout in staten island earlier this summer.
5) if you're shitty at covering your tracks.
6) the anthrax is actually coming out of your car while you think about it coming out of his car.
7) what if they aren't? boring. i have too many pet conspiracies to believe in none of them. odds have to be some are true.
8) because they have nothing better to do to try and eke above #2.
9) a flavour. it's a kind of pepper.
10) nope. just you.
11) no. it makes me miss him. i never thought i'd actually be affected by it but it's like some weird subconscious thing. like "oh shit, i didn't know that mattered to me." call it 10things nostalgia.
12) baaaaa. baaaaa! moooo! and other herdlike sounds.
13) because she always had the right answers. or at least the ones everyone else wanted to hear. she's mastered adaptation. perhaps from too many years spent in the herd. see above.
14) depends what city you're near and how many starbucks you've already got there.
15) check your chromosomes.
16) it works hard for the money. you better treat it right.

Joker said...

1) How do Netflix ads make it through every popup blocker?

They are designed by the FBI to infiltrate your inbox as a mock junk mail ad. Remember big brother is always watching.

2) Who is actually replying to spam?

Neo and Morpheus. They read past the Viagra offers and breast enhancers to the real messages of the perils of Zion.

3) Is it a good idea to make ant poison with a Mountain Fresh Scent?

Yes unless you love your clothes to have that mountain fresh scent or have a habit of wanting cocaine to smell mountainy fresh.

4) What happened to the West Nile Virus epidemic?

It went to the East and canceled itself.

5) Does the IT department have a list of every site I’ve ever visited?

Yes and every half erection you’ve had while looking at the snorg tees models.

6) Is the cloud coming out of the van in front of me exhaust or anthrax?

Neither, it’s the Ghost of Christmas past.

7) What if all the conspiracy theories are true?

Then they wouldn’t be theories anymore.

8) Why does Diet Coke redesign its cans every few years?

Because they don’t got the right one baby.

9) Is chipotle a flavor, a spice or a cooking method?

It’s Aztec for fire corn hole. FYI, it’s a spice but some things are chipotle flavored.

10) Does anyone else remember that Budweiser’s “Real Men of Genius” used to be “Real American Heroes?”

Now that’s genius.

11) Is anyone else creeped out by all those Heath Ledger posters?

Not really, I was more freaked out by the ads of people who have died of lung cancer and came out posthumously i.e. Yul Brynner.

12) Does buying an iPhone make me a cool individual or just one of the herd?

Back and to the left Lambchop.

13) If my boss is such an idiot, how did she become my boss?

Ass kissing, it’s the short cut.

14) Are they going to close my Starbucks?

You own a Starbucks? Awesome.

15) Do I got milk?

You know what you gotta tug for some milk. :D

16) Does advertising work?

Yes it does but it also sucks a whole lot.

Ruth Loose said...

1) How do Netflix ads make it through every popup blocker?

The creators of Netflix invested in a time machine. They utilized Web 5.0 to create ads that are so advanced they still suck but are still unavoidable.

2) Who is actually replying to spam?

You mean you guys aren't sending money to Nigeria too?

3) Is it a good idea to make ant poison with a Mountain Fresh Scent?

When/if Starship Troopers every happens and we have to travel to a distant planet to whip out swarms of man-sized insects it helps to remind them that the stuff that kills them goes great with scented candles and fresh laundry.

4) What happened to the West Nile Virus epidemic?

Killer tomatoes and heart cancer are more marketable to the public at this point.

5) Does the IT department have a list of every site I’ve ever visited?

I would like to think they do and every night they get together and laugh at how stupid their fellow co-workers are by visiting websites such as askjeeves and iVillage.

6) Is the cloud coming out of the van in front of me exhaust or anthrax?

Both. Two birds one stone. And the future of a greener earth (fewer people).

7) What if all the conspiracy theories are true?

You should start pitching to Reynolds wrap.

8) Why does Diet Coke redesign its cans every few years?

Because we are told to tell out clients that you have to redesign your product every three to five years so we continue to have jobs.

9) Is chipotle a flavor, a spice or a cooking method?

A damn good barbacoa burrito crafter.

10) Does anyone else remember that Budweiser’s “Real Men of Genius” used to be “Real American Heroes?”

I do, and I liked Real American Heroes more. It just has the ring of complete chauvinism. My guess is that Jack Bauer came along and said that he was the only hero America needed and forced them to change to something more appropriate for a title of the latest Darwin Awards books.

11) Is anyone else creeped out by all those Heath Ledger posters?

A tad, but the more people that go see this movie the more I can prove my Spider-Man-loving friend wrong about his favorite superhero.

12) Does buying an iPhone make me a cool individual or just one of the herd?

Baah. Laaaaaaawwwwlllll.

13) If my boss is such an idiot, how did she become my boss?

Art of seduction?

14) Are they going to close my Starbucks?

That's a bad thing how?

15) Do I got milk?

No, get you some!

16) Does advertising work?

Is disco dead?

Adhack keep this blog going. Your rantings continue to inspire this intern that the ad world is more than a grab ass, vodka-chugging, free-for-all arena wherein people get paid to kiss ass. You may continue.

adhack said...

@All-Wow, now I've got to think up a whole new list of things to think about in the drive in.

@Ruth Loose-I will continue. (Love the handle)