Monday, July 28, 2008

School is in session

Portfolio Center, The Book Shop, Al’s Discount Ad Classes. All creative advertising schools have two things in common; they cost a bundle and they take forever.

Want to learn all there is to know about creative advertising without all the time and expense? Well you’ve come to the right place. Here are the 5 simple rules of copywriting and art direction:


1. Don’t rhyme.

2. Outdoor headlines shouldn’t be longer than 8 words.

3. Only capitalize the seasons when you use personification. (e.g., The Summer rushed in like a sprinter on crack cocaine.)

4. Never use semicolons.

5. Make a joke or insightful statement that highlights the product’s benefit.


1. Don’t put anything in the middle of the page.

2. If you want to grab their attention make it big. If you can’t make it big, make it red.

3. No one under 50 uses Futura, Helvetica or Times New Roman.

4. Make the type so tiny you can barely read it, then make it even smaller.

5. Create an attractive layout that highlights the product’s benefit.

There you have it, all the things you need to know to make it the exciting world of creative advertising.

Of course, you still need to learn how to deal with office politics. But hey, Portfolio Center doesn’t teach that either.


Joker said...

I was recently asked if I think portfolio school is worthwhile and since I didn't go to one, I can only reply by saying that I haven't had true need for it nor do I think I would have had a major edge had I gone to one. True, anyone who DID go to a portfolio school will probably scoff at my ignorance but I'm sure they're just trying to justify their highly increased education debt.

Patrick McCormack said...

Thank you for saving me $20,000, moving expenses, migraine headaches and a general hate for life. I have a friend in ad school and frankly I'm surprised he went back for the second year.

adhack said...

I knew this woman who wanted to be an art director. She had already graduated from Art Center. She had a massive portfolio of spec work. And she was working as an assistant at an agency.

Her next move? TWO years at Portfolio Center!

1Letterman said...

Just add another bullet point that covers both functions:

6. Suck heartily and mightily, whenever possible, on the genatalia of anyone higher than you in the organizational chart.

That covers the politics part.