Wednesday, July 2, 2008

I Client

You’ve all had your fun at my expense, but now it’s time to set things straight. “Creative Beef” has given me the opportunity to describe things from my (the client’s) point of view. So sit back and relax, and maybe you’ll learn something. (I’ll put them in bullet points. You writers know how I love bullet points.)

• Hey Young Creative! Thanks for acting like you know way more than me about my industry. I’ve only spent the last 25 years crawling my way up the corporate ladder. I’ve survived recessions, layoffs, new owners, etc. But your four years at Art Center make you far more qualified than me.

• Hey Art Director, remember how much you bitched about that sunburst I made you put on that magazine ad? You even had your Creative Director call me and try to get me to change my mind. So what was the result of my horrible idea? Did sales plummet? Did our company go out of business? Did customers stay away in droves because our advertising was so ugly? No they fucking didn’t.

• And hey, remember that super cool television campaign you convinced me to do the week I got out of rehab? We spent our yearly budget on two TV spots. You won a bunch of nifty advertising awards, and our sales went down 8%.

• I’m sorry, but at what point did working the weekend become cruel and unusual punishment?

• Keep complaining about how I never give you enough money to do your “great” ideas. Of course we all realize that all marketing heads are completely autonomous beings that never have to answer to CEOs, CFOs or stock holders.

• I’m sorry I asked you to spend a couple of hours putting together my family’s holiday card. That was way out of line. After all, we only pay you guys $12 million a year.

• I love when you come to meetings in t-shirts and board shorts. It’s like I’m listening to a bunch of my teenage son’s friends.

• Want to know a secret? Your account people think I’m totally on their side. But if my boss asked my to put the account in review, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

• Every time your creative director pulls up in his BMW M5, I wonder if I’m paying you people too much.

• If you said, “no” once in a while, I might get used to it. I might even think you grew a pair.

• You creatives think you hate your account people? Well guess what, I hate them even more.


Ad Broad, oldest working writer in advertising said...

And, oh yes...Nice try, trying to sequester me in the *client area* far away from the director of the over-budget shoot THAT I'M FRIGGING PAYING FOR.

Joker said...

This post is honest, intelligent, and offering a perspective most ad people can't ever ponder. This makes it utterly evil and should be banned from viewing from anyone with an ounce of ad integrity (if such a thing exists).

Some additional notes:

• When we say we're going to measure your advertising in regards to results we don't mean high fives from industry colleagues or one of those cute pencil things.

• While you sell bullshit, we actually sell something.

• Try a little harder to make me believe you really give a shit about my brand.

• Sales drop = budget cut. What part of this don't you understand.