Thursday, July 3, 2008

Get Away Day

This phone conversation was recorded on Friday, June 27, 2008. It was between the CEO of a major oil company and the CEO of a major automobile company. All names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the parties.


Bill, it’s Dennis.

Hey, how the hell are you?

Not good actually. You know oil prices are through the roof.

Tell me about it.

Well yeah, I mean you’re making obscene profits and all but…

Hey, that’s why we’re in business.

I know. But the cost is gas is sort of killing my business.

Say again?

No one wants to buy our trucks or SUVs anymore. And those are our biggest money-makers. And a lot of people are driving less and even taking…public transportation.

How can I help you Dennis?

Well I was thinking that if you could maybe lower your prices a bit, it would really, really help me.

You know Dennis, I’d love to, but about a year ago I went to the car show here in town. And do you know what I saw at your display?


A bunch of hybrids. Right out in front.

I’m sorry Bill. It was some young guys on our staff…

And you know what was right next to the hybrids? A hydrogen car. Hydrogen! Last time I checked, we don’t have any fucking hydrogen wells here in Texas. So who is trying to put who out of business?

I am really Sorry Bill, It will never happen again.

You bet your ass it won’t. I figure I’ll let you guys sweat it out for a year or so. Your Board will probably come in and do some house cleaning, and I can deal with the next batch of losers. Something tells me they won’t be so hot about putting a bunch of hybrids on the road.

You know Bill, I can remember when car manufacturers were the biggest most powerful companies in America.

Yeah, when was that, like a hundred years ago?


Have a shitty weekend.



Anonymous said...

Ad hack, how were you able to tap the phone lines of those douchebages?

Joker said...

@hack... the enemy of my enemy might be my enemy, but boy do I love it when they fight.

@jane. you know those dropped calls we love so much? if you stay on the line. This comes up.