School is in session

Portfolio Center, The Book Shop, Al’s Discount Ad Classes. All creative advertising schools have two things in common; they cost a bundle and they take forever.

Want to learn all there is to know about creative advertising without all the time and expense? Well you’ve come to the right place. Here are the 5 simple rules of copywriting and art direction:


COPYWRITING

1. Don’t rhyme.

2. Outdoor headlines shouldn’t be longer than 8 words.

3. Only capitalize the seasons when you use personification. (e.g., The Summer rushed in like a sprinter on crack cocaine.)

4. Never use semicolons.

5. Make a joke or insightful statement that highlights the product’s benefit.


ART DIRECTION


1. Don’t put anything in the middle of the page.

2. If you want to grab their attention make it big. If you can’t make it big, make it red.

3. No one under 50 uses Futura, Helvetica or Times New Roman.

4. Make the type so tiny you can barely read it, then make it even smaller.

5. Create an attractive layout that highlights the product’s benefit.

There you have it, all the things you need to know to make it the exciting world of creative advertising.

Of course, you still need to learn how to deal with office politics. But hey, Portfolio Center doesn’t teach that either.